Goodness Gracious

May 24, 2010 (Day 114) — Goodness Gracious

So, I’ve got a bottle of cognac that’s been sitting in my bar for the past month. I haven’t really had much time to simply sip drinks straight up, which means it’s become an unfortunate secondary player in my rotation.

So, it’s about time I’ve ended that.  I didn’t chose this evening’s drink because of it’s name. In fact, the name lacks a certain… oh… what’s the word I’m looking for….. Manliness? No.

Balls. It has no balls. It’s ballless. It’s a nutless wonder.

Goodness Gracious has less balls than an ancient Chinese emperor’s eunuch.

I mean, jeez, look at these ingredients:

1 oz cherry brandy

1 oz white creme de cacao

1 oz cognac

Build over ice in a rocks glass.

It’s like… an angel took a dump in a rocks glass — to steal and alter a line from the wonderful Canadian TV show “Corner Gas.” This drink is light, foofy and delicate. I’m pretty sure if you, as a heterosexual man were caught drinking this out at a bar, you’d be automatically subject to an arm wrestling competition with that sweaty, hairy guy from work no one really knows or likes. You’ll have to prove your manliness.

This is another option.

That being said? This thing tastes like syrup. It’s a sticky, sickly sweet. The sweetness of the cognac, combine with the sweetness of the cherry brandy, combined with the sweetness of the creme de cacao? It tastes like the Dr. Pepper syrup that’s mixed with carbonated water at soda fountains. How do I know what that syrup tastes like? I worked at a movie theater in high school. I happened to taste all the syrups, thank you!

If you like sweet, this would be okay. But, it lacks the balance that a “good” cocktail needs to have. There’s no sharpness, no crispness. It’s just  Jenn — once again proving to be the smarter one between the two of us — suggested adding soda water to make it more reflect a Dr. Pepper. Great idea.

Didn’t really help that much. Slightly better. Still way too sweet.

My teeth have fallen out!

— Mark

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